Having nothing to do with anything

Received by e-mail just a moment ago:

Subject: Invest today. Cash Out next month
From: “Scottrade”
Date: Sat, June 21, 2014 15:37

Dear dbaplanb,

I was very furious when I listened to your voicemail last night.

You know, I did tell you about last month but you’re the one who was not interested
in buying at the time. It was trading for just 10 or 15 cents if I remember correctly.
You cannot now blame me by saying I didn’t tell you.

Anyway bullshit aside if you are still angry about missing the first wave I’m telling
you its not too late but you need to listen to me now and buy as many s.h.a.r.es of
as you can on Monday morning before they get too expensive and if you don’t it’s your
own fault I don’t want you calling me again and leaving me another nasty voicemail.

I spoke with my analyst buddy who is working on this specific stock-analysis and he
told me we should expect to see shares hit past a dollar within the next 30 days. Do
what you must.

Take care
Your bud

This is a good one. I assume the goal of the message is to provoke people into replying (“I don’t even know you!”), thereby confirming a live address. But I like it because it’s a nice little character study. What kind of person would write this tough-love type of e-mail? I think it works. There are a few mechanical errors, but my only suggestion style-wise would be to cut “very” in the first sentence (“very furious” is weaker than “furious” alone.). Another problem, of course, is that my bud Christina hasn’t told me what shares she’s talking about. That information is missing in two places.

Although I am still angry, I better put the bullshit aside and write back to apologize for my nasty voicemail and find out what shares I should buy.



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